On Genuine Friendship in a Glossed-Over Age

by Amber Magnolia Hill on September 20, 2013

Sometimes I get so sick of the way women present themselves online, and flatter their way into relationships with perfect strangers on social media in order to increase their own popularity, that I want to puke. I envision writing a whole post on the subject someday, but since that’s probably not gonna happen cause I’m too busy obsessing over this issue to think clearly about it, here’s a short post I threw up (not literally, but almost) on Facebook this morning. (Does it make you like me more? Please leave a gushy comment below about how amazing I am.)

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Dear women friends- I love you not because you’re a dreamy manifestation of the divine feminine who embodies love and light and abundance, but because you’re real and raw and beautiful as fuck and you share your deepest vulnerabilities, most flawed imperfections, and wildest dreams with me. Give me painfully honest in-person conversations over perfectly edited, sticky sweet, oh-so-public social media mushiness any day. Only our truest and messiest selves, not our most flattering and polished selves, can sustain real friendship. Let’s continue to grow together and be these ladies someday.

(For more on these issues, read any of Brene Brown’s books or watch her super popular TEDtalks on shame and vulnerability, and/or read Milla’s astute take on this complex matter). 

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Rachel // Mousevox September 22, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Let me know if you ever get around to writing that post because I’d like to read it. I struggle so much with what to share and what not to share and feeling fake because I choose to not share the dark parts of my life, but also feeling really ok with not even sharing some of the lightest parts and keeping m privacy in check. On the converse, I’ve met some incredible friends through blogging, social media, selling vintage on the internet, etc and it all came from moments where I chose to share the lighter parts of myself with strangers who are now friends that I confide both my darkness and my light during our real-life, offline moments.

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eliza twist September 23, 2013 at 10:41 am

Thanks for sharing the real stuff. When I started blogging a little over a year ago, I did it precisely to share the real stuff. So that readers would know that they were not alone if they happened to identify with something that I wrote. I also started writing for my own personal sanity, it really helps me to clear my head so that I can live my life with more presence. The head clearing posts tend to be long and detailed, so they are not really for the folks looking for a feel good quickie. But first and foremost I’ve got to be true to myself and I’m pretty sure that in doing so I’ll build solid relationships with others who are doing the same. As Georgia O’Keefe observed, “having a friend takes time.”

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teeny September 23, 2013 at 9:49 pm

Well put lady. x Imperfections are what make us the real deal. I’d share my big dreams with you any ole day.

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Milla October 13, 2013 at 10:14 am

Girl, I would have nothing less with any of the women I’m privileged to know. Because, female friendship is the most important thing in the world, isn’t it? I really think that we should collaborate on a piece about this some day.

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Milla October 13, 2013 at 10:15 am

and obviously, thank you for the love. it means a lot to me that you think I’ve written something worth spreading.

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