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You’ve probably read this quote before. I know I had. But when I saw it again yesterday hanging on the bathroom wall at my yoga studio I found a whole new meaning in it.
This is a really hard time of year for may of us. I know that I have been having my own little Crisis Of Confidence lately, and for no actual reason that I can see. I’ve felt anxious and I was even considering, for a time, removing everything I’ve ever posted online (links, pictures, blogs, everything) because I suddenly felt incredibly self conscious, like I reveal too much of myself. I’ve always been passionate and expressive, always wanted to share with others the things that excite and inspire me.
And I’ve always taken shit for it. Usually it slides off my back, but for the last few weeks I’ve just wanted to shrink, Alice style, and hide away so that no one could see me or know who I really am. But that’s bullshit, and I can’t give in to it. Martha Graham’s exquisite sentiments have been the catalyst to get me out of this sluggish, fear-based, even dangerous state of mind:
“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.
And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it.
It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time.
There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others”
I mean really, a massive and unexplained explosion happened 4 billion years ago and out of the hydrogen and helium created therein and eons of time and the astoundingly beautiful principles of evolution… here we are.
We must choose to celebrate that, to revel in it. Dance, blog, create outfits, make art, raise babies, sing songs… do what you do, joyfully, without shame or fear. The rest of us need it.
That’s a beautiful quote!
Thanks Amber, I feel like I needed to hear that. Love love!
Awe, I know I am so thankful for you and all your many thoughtful, personal and relevant blog posts!
My dear, you are beautiful and I have been following you loosely for the past… 2 years? I think. You have transformed yourself into pure goddess without shame or fear. I have even been jealous at times.
Buddhists believe their is an underlying anxiety throughout the earth. And you are absolutely right, this universe would not be here if it weren’t for the anxiety, tension, yin and yang pulling forces of god knows what, creating an explosion. Things don’t change and motivation isn’t present if you’re completely satisfied with life. Bless anxieties abilities.
Thanks for sharing your mystical inner beauty and magic. I am a better person for it.
so beautiful and inspiring to read your words and follow the expressive bits of poetry and life that you do choose to share. it is a powerful and wondrous thing to share pieces of yourself, and anything powerful and wondrous is always easily vulnerable. thanks for your strength and bravery to keep it up…i am so appreciative to get tiny insights into YOU, it is really clear that you are an AMAZING human being!
Oh Amber, what a beautiful post! I want you to know that what you share reveals a truly unique, wonderful, amazing person, whom I wish I could just have over for tea and woodsy walks, whenever she was feeling even a little bit blue, or otherwise in need of encouragement, but because this is not possible, I am ever so happy to know you here in the strange and wonderful world of the internets, that connects us and hope that you stay.
I’m grateful for this post, because all of us suffer through obstacles and it is wonderful to know that they are not unique to us. I love that you turned an emotion that could easily have been very negative into a positive message to share.
Thank you, many hugs and bright blessings.
Such beautiful words Amber, both your own and the quote. Inspiring and true. That photo of you is one of my flickr faves and I love it soooo much… it’s such a perfect moment captured and I’m so glad you’ve shared it along with so many other wonderful bits of your life and your interests
You are a shining star lady, don’t ever doubt it!
Yes, life really needs to be more of a celebration for me too, there has been so much stress lately.
P.S. I like the words, images, reading time bar – how cool.
I’ve always liked the idea of “blessed unrest”, but had never heard the whole quote before. This might be exactly what was needed to cure me of my post-holiday burnout, so thank you for that.
This posting really resonated with me… I too have had the inclination to ‘take it all down’ and live life more anon but, like you, I haven’t yet because I am driven to continue… LOVED the quote. The internet is awesome. It’s helped me find Kindred Spirits, like YOU. So… Don’t go anywhere! I, for one, would miss you to bits!
XOXO & Love
H
well, i am thankful that you’ve shared so much online. after all, i would never have met you if not for the internets…
truly, though, i admire folks– especially women — who are willing to be honest and open about themselves and their lives. never apologize for, or feel ashamed of, being you.
i hope you all are doing well in your magical little cottage.
xo
This is something I have personally gone through more than once. Putting ourselves out there for the world to see (and sometimes scrutinize) can be overwhelming to say the least. But you’re right, it IS a dangerous state of mind to let your fears take over and make you want to disappear since that fear is something much deeper than putting yourself out there on the internet. I’m happy (and inspired!) to see you turn these fears around and use them as a means to encourage, inspire and share yourself with others.
xoxoxo